It’s the old “splinter in the bum” pre-summer holiday desk warming season. The temptation is to indulge in hours of online shopping, G-Market for the boy’s techie toys and Dorothy P for the girls fashion gluttony but there are alternatives which are a tad less expensive!
Find a quiet corner, preferably near an air conditioner and adjacent to a socket into which you can plug your iPad or Kindle. Read all those free classics you hated as a child in those traditional English pre-boy wizard days of the 60’s! Alternatively you could doodle or use you origami skills to fold the ultimate paper airplane; if you’re creative, work on the next YouTube mega hit… with paperclips, pens and a jar of Maxim. Don’t forget iPhones have Garageband! Daydream about how about a dinosaur suffered immeasurable pain laying those eggs and whilst probably desperately trying to find a job in the UK. You could imagine becoming a mead maker, a language teacher, an air conditioning engineer or a fart bottler; you can write chainmail or take up weaving.
What do you want from life? To kidnap an heiress or threaten her with a knife.
What do you want from life? To get cable TV and watch it every night.
There you sit a lump in your chair.
Where do you sleep and what do you wear when you’re sleeping.
What do you want from life? An Indian guru to show you the inner light.
What do you want from life? A meaningless love affair with a girl that you met tonight.
How can you tell when you’re doing’ alright? Does your bank account swell while you’re dreaming at night?
How do know when you’re really in love? Do violins play when you’re touching the one that you love?
What do you want from life? Someone to love and somebody that you can trust.
What do you want from life? To try and be happy while you do the nasty things you must.
Well, you can’t have that, but if you’re an American citizen you are entitled to:
- a heated kidney shaped pool,
- a microwave oven–don’t watch the food cook,
- a Dyna-Gym; I’ll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home,
- a king-size Titanic unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed with polybendum,
- a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi,
- real simulated Indian jewelry,
- a Gucci shoetree,
- a year’s supply of antibiotics,
- a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth
- and Bob Dylan’s new unlisted phone number,
- a beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick,
- Rosemary’s baby,
- a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams,
- a new Matador, a new mastodon,
- a Maverick, a Mustang, a Montego,
- a Merc Montclair, a Mark IV, a meteor,
- a Mercedes, an MG, or a Malibu,
- a Mort Moriarty, a Maserati, a Mac truck,
- a Mazda, a new Monza, or a moped,
- a Winnebago–Hell, a herd of Winnebago’s we’re giving ’em away,
- or how about a McCulloch chainsaw,
- a Las Vegas wedding,
- a Mexican divorce,
- a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot,
- Or a baby’s arm holding an apple?
Come to SK to enjoy the art of desk warming! Don’t forget the Witch-hazel for those splinters!
Scheme of events:
13.50pm Chainmail Weaving Class
14.50pm Mead master Mr. Misery will show you how to make a bracelet using chainmail weaving. Just bring strong arms & determination to create an awesome accessory of your own!
15.30pm Comical Hats Contest. Got a funny hat? Bring it and take a picture with Mr. Misery’s dinosaur! The funniest, the most comical one wins the prize.
What’s the prize? Mr. Misery’s one and only hand-drawn dinosaur T-shirt! We’ll have several school hats for those who don’t have comical hats but comical facial expressions or for those who are just downright plain ugly!
There is 1,000won contest fee and all profits will go to local orphanages.
You can drink while you enjoy the activities, so feel free to bring the Soju of your choice.
We’ll only confiscate just a little bit… for the sake of thirsty students… or the thirsty desk warmers.